|
Monday, February 15, 2010
its 4.25am. tuesday morning. im partially awake. faint heartbeat as always. my groggy head is in pain. my brain is aching. i want to sleep!! i slept alot yesterday. ytd..woke up. switch on tv. watch "Street Fighter: The Ultimate Battle"(hahah i cant believe i watch that crap. but i like, lol). skipped my lunch. no appetite. tried to study cell bio but end up sleeping. tried to study biostats, end up sleeping. im screwed! EXAMS ARE JUST NEXT WEEK DAMMIT!! i lost my motivation to study. i feel empty. i feel weighed down. i feel sad and lonely. no one would understand how i feel. my years of aching heart. i just wanna feel how i felt last time. i wanna be clever again. i wanna excel in everything i do. i wanna score in my studies. but somehow, i've lost my motivation. i feel like i've lost everything. i keep on failing. i'm depressed. i'm stressed. its like im going through the things and events that i was hoping nt to happen last time. i got dejavu. weird dreams. a weird sleeping pattern. i feel so sluggish. ever had this pain in your chest or heart that really hurts? and you cry just thinking about the pain? and then it just kills you. my random question. anyway, i've been feeling down lately. sad. and angry. it doesn't matter to anyone. with or without me, its still the same. no difference. i just wish i'm somewhere far. far away from all the stress and noise. i need some time and room to think. thinking back, i think i'm happy for my friends and family. even though i didnt get what i want but as long as they're alive and well, i'm happy. and hurt. i cry every night to sleep. why am i alive? why is this happening to me? i've suffered enough. i've kept most of my life to myself. my secrets. problems. sadness. grief. mourn. anger. but i'll just let people know minor things about me. cause i dont know who i can trust. are they sincere in listening to what i'm trying to pour out? i yearn for a hug. i yearn for happiness. i want the pain to go away. i want to stop crying. my mom seen me cry before one time too many but, she said nothing. but i know she was thinking. im curious to know. for today, i'm hoping some soul would wanna go to the museum with me. but i highly doubt that. who on earth would wanna hang out with me? unless i'm the only person they can find. sigh. if theres no one would wanna join me, i think i'll just start my revision somewhere not at home. Im dumping my lappy away so that there wont be any distractions. till the exams are over. this might be my last post till the end of my exams. till then all the best to me, me. sigh. good night world. 4.35am. |
Zee CW ★ " Zee CW, the kid who always step on the pavement cracks, and blames herself, then she ran back home to her crib where she cry and cry.." Too Little Too Late - Jojo -MB0902 -Andre -Desmond -Isabelle -Michelle -Ralene -Angie -Maurice -Daryl -Dynie -Geri -Qraisha -Ifah December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 June 2010 July 2010 Designer : Chili. x o x o |