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Thursday, December 24, 2009
its Christmas! merry christmas. i dont know on where to start my post. i have got lots to pour out but, i dont know how to type it down. first of, on tuesday, i attended this secondary school gathering at east coast which i thought it would suck but, it turned out fine. but i was a lil emo or sad, so to say, due to some stuffs happening close to heart and i took the opportunity by the beach to think about my life and how am i gonna live it. *oh and i bought myself an ice cream which cost about $8 from New Zealand All Natural and... noone wanna share it with me =( * shockingly, i did enjoyed myself and i smiled and laugh! but still, once home, the pain came back.. wednesday, i dont remember much about what i did on wednesday, but i remember crying and fights. verbal arguments between me and some of my family members. morning cried. afternoon cried. and cried myself to sleep. the pain that im feeling got even worse. my eyes were swollen. slept early, appointment the next day and errands to run. cried, got tired, and sleep. thursday. woke up. freezing. looked out the window, cant see. wiped my window and it was raining. heavily. lay in bed for about 45 minutes. cried. toss and turn. made a few calls. took a warm shower. kick start my day. today, on the way to the hospital, in the train, i felt alien. i mean, i felt like i dont belong. all the way from jurong to queenstown, i felt like im in a foreign land. for once, i really felt like i wanna run away. people looking at me. staring. their whispers. i feel like i dont belong in my own country. took taxi to alex. cause im already running late. got some check up and meet my doctor. for once, this doctor of mine is a good one. not because he commented on my eyes but he explained in details whats the cause of the usual swelling. and, i ended up paying ~$120 for my hospital bill. zzz. still on thursday, after appointment, go and get my errands done and went home. tired. i cried. the pain came back. this time, i cried real bad, that the pain was even worse than before. i tried to forget it but.. its hard. the pain is like a tattoo. then around 7.15 went to the airport. family stuffs. i'll be all alone again. cried in the bus home. reached home. freezing. hugged duck for warmth >.< ... got a warm shower. then i realise how empty my tummy is. tried to eat but my tummy rejected, i barfed. now, im sitting in the dark. typing this crappy post. i think now, being alone and lonely is nothing foreign to me. the alien feeling is the in thing im feeling now. the pain that ive been feeling in my heart and chest still remains. its sadness i guess. and ive been crying for nearly everyday for nearly one month and counting. i just need someone to hear me out understanding is not a must but, i need it to get off my chest for the moment. i just need a little breather. my eye rings are getting worse. im done with crying. it never help me feel better. my X'mas and new year will be a lone celebration between me,myself and I. i used to enjoy my Xmas. but this year... i wont. no gifts. no company. im soo tired now. =.= i'll end my damn long post here. merry Xmas people! and a happy new year *make resolutions!!* =l |
Zee CW ★ " Zee CW, the kid who always step on the pavement cracks, and blames herself, then she ran back home to her crib where she cry and cry.." Too Little Too Late - Jojo -MB0902 -Andre -Desmond -Isabelle -Michelle -Ralene -Angie -Maurice -Daryl -Dynie -Geri -Qraisha -Ifah December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 June 2010 July 2010 Designer : Chili. x o x o |