i'll just stand by the sidewalk and...

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!!

I AM BEING HATED BY PEOPLE FOR MY DUMBNESS, COMMENTS AND MY RACE.. how loving can this planet ever be? I'm a bad person!

thinking back again, i think i've wasted my time caring about people when they themselves obviously is just using you as a fall back. but i, the dumb one, still stick by their side. i'm just a fool to fall for a simple yet non-lasting friendship.. where most of the sacrifices come from me and the other party would never ever notice.

now, i pledge to be the secondary school zakiah. geek. lame. ugly. bugsy. but yet genius girl.
and i'm attached to my dreams in my head. i'll be waiting for it and making it happen.

I dun mind losing friends.. the friends who distract, weigh me down, use me for their own good and will never be by me when i face tough times. cause they don't deserve me and my help. and when an event brings you down, the only path available is, MOVE ON... learnt that in VE.

"You heeled these scars over time
Embraced my soul
You loved my mind
You're the only angel in my life
The day news came my best friend died
My knees went week and you saw me cry..
..I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
And though I may not look like much.. "

=). 2 months or more i didn't update. my bad.. cause i keep on saying i'll post something but i never do it.. sorry. i don't really know what to say cause there's lots of things happen, both good and bad. but thinking back again, i should not really entertain people who just make me feel bad and think that they are down right awesome when they're just as miserable as me. i don't really know what i want in life, i've always wanted to do music and law but, due to some reasons, i end up doing science. but anywayss,no more of the badness

the good side! not much good things happen but, i'll just make the best out of it =) i only remember that yesterday there's this Primary school Gathering!!! i enjoyed it so much! i miss all those people so very much but too bad some of them were unable to make it and i just got to know that a friend of mine got shot during his NS training =S and it came out on the papers. sad but he's in the process of recovery. and and and, a friend of mine is like a 4-pointer student lah sey!! and my other friends are like super hard working and focused in studies. now i envy them soooo verry much!! and now, no more thinking, i want to be like them or even better! no time to waste or slack! they really make me think of my studies so much and heaven yeah! i wanna focus on studies and be the underdog. yeahh! =D

after that i can't remember other events ><

i need a good night sleep and rest for my brain. i'm eating alot and feeling sleepy. bad sign. my brain needs rest and... MAGNETIC THERAPY!! =D i need to earn =.=

i had 2 milkshakes yesterday, and it cost me $4.50 in total =s i need to start saving and learn to spend my $$ wisely.

i think thats all i have for the time being.. yeah. byee =)

i am so very tired. and i don't have any mood to do anything right now. im sad, disappointed, angry and hate myself. sometimes i wonder, why on earth am i taking care about how others feel? its like care more abt how others feel rather than how i feel. now looking back, i'm quite dumb to do that cause they'll just take advantage of my kindness. and don't give a shit abt me. why such people exist? i couldnt afford to be as fierce as i am at home cause i need friends for help and make my life better not worse.

its just sad that some people thinks that the world revolves around them and they rule the world. so vain. only god knows my good intentions

i'm so sick right now. but i actually look fine on the outside. sigh. i cancelled my dental appt. from april till december.. sigh.. and nearly fought with everyone at home. and on wednesday, i was early in sch and i thought i'll be fine the whole day but,,, i was wrong. i started to have dizzyness and vomiting.. i only gt acid in my tummy so.. thats what i pucked out. and i totally cant breathe at all. my ears popped, my vision went slightly blur and thats when i decided that i need to go home and something is totally wrong with me. took a cab home and the uncle was talking to me but i think i fell asleep till we exited SLE. reached home, a few hours later.. i blacked out. and i had all those weird vision? dream? whatever it is.. its has been occurring in my sleep one time too many. only that this time its more real and scary. and thats all i could remember.. and it's all because of..lack of iron and a very low blood pressure. sigh.

i think if there is one place i could runaway and find peace in my mind.. i think that would be me buying myself an island in the bahamas and spend my day there alone.. okay mayb not alone.. together with a friend or two..

charlie is a must:)

bye

im getting dizzier by the minute.. fever's going up, up, up =.=

night! night charlie! and duck

i hate myself right now. i just feel like killing myself. I'm not being emo or anything. its a fact that i realise. i'm a burden to people, i ask way too much questions, i screw things up, i forget stuffs and i'm such a pain in the freaking ass. i never asked or wish to be forgetful! what cause me to be forgetful is my mistake. and yes i know, i might always be going in and out of the hospital but i never ever asked for that to happen! and i know i'm not the smarty pants, pretty, uber rich and a good friend. but at least acknowledge as an individual. i know i've hurt and insulted people with or without me realising but i'll totally make it up for it. i will feel bad. and yes i know i'm bloody well not a trophy friend. i suck at everything! sometimes, i might be happy, jumpy, all excited but actually, its just a stupid mask that i put on to make me feel a little better. and when i'm all happy and jumpy, the next thing you know, i'll be crying. cause, my happiness can never ever last for a long period of time.

if being in school already make me feel sad, being at home even makes me feel sadder. everybody have their own demands. everybody have their own way of thinking. since everyone in the house have been in a position where they are the manager or a leader or they achieved something high, and thought that they have the greatest influence in the family. do this. do that. sometimes i wonder, what do people take me for? yes, my family often make me cry but sometimes its just a little too taken for granted for me to achieve everything. i'm just a little disturb. my room is sometimes the only place for salvation for me. and it just makes me feel sad thinking about it.

but seriously i want to know what people think about me. its the only way to prove my senses wrong.

im sorry charles, this is my life i lead everyday. i try not to do anything stupid. i'm sorry.

i'm confused. confused as ever. i know i've burdened and disturbed some people in my life. now all i wanna say is. im sorry. im so so sorry. don't care no matter i'm sad or what, how i feel is like nobody's problem. i just wanna see the people i care for happy.

i.m gonna do my best starting from now on. I am actually not stupid or dumb. even though my parents sometimes make me feel dumb, but i know that i.m not. and yes, i.m sad. sad cause nobody is actually supporting me and my parents have high expectations and hopes, wanting me to excel. Sigh i just wished they would understand instead of just bringing and making me feel down. :(

Zee CW ★

" Zee CW,
the kid who always
step on the pavement cracks,
and blames herself,
then she ran back home to her crib
where she cry and cry.."

Too Little Too Late - Jojo

-MB0902
-Andre
-Desmond
-Isabelle
-Michelle
-Ralene

-Angie
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-Daryl
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Designer : Chili.
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